A Moveable Marriage: Relocate Your Relationship without Breaking It

Pascoe, Robin
Expatriate Press 2003
ISBN 0-9686760-2-2
187pp
Date finished: 2005-03-31

This slim book provides suggestions and help on preserving a marriage from the stresses of job-related relocations. Most of the advice is aimed at women, on the assumption that most relocations are due to the husband's job and not the wife's. I expect Barb and I will be one of the rare exceptions; astronomy jobs are rarer than programming jobs, so we'll probably move for the sake of her career.

Much of the advice is common sense. Keep communicating, and don't let the stress and fighting over relocation dominate the relationship. The non-employee spouse, who has to give up her old job and look for a new job, can feel isolated and dependent; she needs to fight this by connecting with local friends and finding a new focus (perhaps a new job, perhaps striking out on a new career path). The isolated spouse may often pull the only levers of control they have: fights over household issues, and denying sex. Wives should plan for their financial independence in case of divorce or abuse. Children add even more stress to all the turmoil. All obvious, perhaps, but one light bulb went on over my head: the relocation to Washington DC contributed to breaking up my previous relationship, because we made several of the mistakes warned against here. It was common sense that we lacked at the time.

For me, the most important advice I read was to avoid the feeling of isolation and to look upon the move as an opportunity for reinvention. The financial, self-protection, and parenting chapters seem largely irrelevant to our situation, and much of the corporate advice seems to assume that you're being moved by a large organization such as a government or multinational.

Tagged: marriage

Permalink: http://books.amk.ca/2005/03/Moveable_Marriage.html

%T A Moveable Marriage
%S Relocate Your Relationship without Breaking It
%G ISBN 0-9686760-2-2
%P 187pp
%A Pascoe, Robin
%D 2003
%I Expatriate Press
%@ 2005-03-31
%K marriage

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